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Dear Dr. Langberg,
I'm in my midthirties and single. It's really starting to bother me that I don't have someone special in my life. How will I truly know if I'm meant to be married or single? Do I just wait for the Lord to bring the right man into my life, or should I join a Christian dating service? I wish I had some clear-cut direction.
&151;Should you "just wait" for the Lord? Absolutely! Waiting on him for any decision, big or small, is vital. Does that mean you shouldn't join a Christian dating service? I don't think so, because waiting on God doesn't necessarily mean doing nothing. It's more an attitude that says what God wants is more important than what you want so you'll constantly seek him in your choices.
If you do decide to pursue a dating service, investigate its reputation thoroughly. Just because someone fills out a form and says he's a Christian doesn't mean he is. The bottom line is, you're meeting a stranger, so there's some risk involved. Be wise.
While it's hard to long for something and have no idea whether it will ever happen, everyone lives with uncertainty in life. None of us knows what awaits us tomorrow, and many people long for things in life they never get. Ultimately, the only certainty any Christian has is knowing the God who sees what tomorrow holds. God continually asks us to trust him—even in the midst of uncertainty.
In the meantime, live your life to the fullest, even though you have no idea where it will lead in terms of marriage. Do your work well. Get involved in ministry at your church. Develop your relationship skills in your friendships. Above all, nurture your relationship with God. And guard against allowing your longing for marriage to dominate your life. It's easy to become bitter if your longing isn't fulfilled or obsessed with trying to find ways to make it happen. Remember, God's given you today—and today you're single. He's called you to live for his glory where you are. If you do these things, he'll give you his wisdom about your choices, step-by-step.
While working on our home computer, I accidently discovered my husband's been having "cybersex" with another woman. When I confronted him with the evidence, he blamed me for snooping, but told me he's made no contact with this woman except online, and that he's breaking it off. Now I constantly worry about what my husband's doing on our home computer.
This "affair" is as much a threat to marriage as a physical affair. It's subtle, deceitful, and involves a siphoning off of emotions, thoughts, and wishes that only belong within the marital relationship. Anything that takes what rightfully belongs to a marriage is wrong. And anything your spouse participates in that has to be hidden in order to be continued betrays trust.
If a marriage can be betrayed by workaholism, sports addictions, and television watching (and I believe it can), it certainly can be betrayed by online e-mail and pornography.
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