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When Trisha moved into Michelle's neighborhood, they became fast friends.
Their personalities clicked and they had a lot in common, including church involvement and same-aged children. Before long, Trisha and Michelle established a deep, heartfelt friendship.
Then Michelle's husband began spending significant amounts of time out of town for work. During this time, Trisha noticed Michelle had struck up an unusually friendly relationship with the contractor renovating her house. Almost every time Trisha looked out her front window, she saw the contractor's car in Michelle's driveway, sometimes late into the night.
Trisha was heartsick. She knew Michelle was committed to her family and to God's commands. So Trisha prayed—and then loved Michelle enough to confront her with her concerns.
When Trisha asked Michelle about her late-night visitor, she poured out her pain, hurt, and loneliness, confiding that the "new man" in her life was simply a good friend. But that explanation didn't satisfy Trisha. Lovingly but boldly she told Michelle she was playing with fire. She encouraged Michelle to slam the door on temptation and cling to the comfort only God can give to a lonely, hurting heart. Trisha valued their friendship so much she was willing to risk their relationship in order to do what was best for her friend.
When it comes to our friendships, we'd rather be cheerleaders than corrections officers. That's because confrontation is awkward and uncomfortable. Besides, if we confront a friend, it could damage our relationship.
If we truly love people, we want what's best for them—and sometimes that best requires confrontation and discipline. Matthew 18:15-17 is clear about what we must do if we see someone we love caught up in wrongdoing: "If your brother sins against you {some manuscripts do not have the words against you}, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector."
When it comes to confrontation, approach is everything. If you sense God prompting you to confront a friend, here are some helpful tools:
1. Self-appraisal. Recently we overheard someone in our church criticizing the way a few youth-group girls were dressing. While her concerns were valid, the woman making the complaint was dressed in a very form-fitting dress. If she'd confronted the girls regarding their lack of modesty, her rebuke would have fallen on deaf ears.
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