Sign up for our free newsletter:

 1 of 2

I (Nancy) remember when it really hit me for the first time. It was a couple days after receiving Hope's diagnosis. We left the hospital to have Thanksgiving dinner with David's parents. And sitting in the restaurant, it began to bubble up inside me. I couldn't chat anymore. I just looked at David and said, "We have to go. Now."

Once we got to the car, a guttural cry bordering on a scream ripped out of me as I bent over in pain. It was sinking in that my daughter was going to die, and I wondered if I'd be able to bear it.

David drove along helpless. What could he do to soothe me? Or to fix this? Nothing. And I'm sure it scared him. I'm sure it made him fear what this loss was going to do to me—his wife who'd always been so happy and so much fun.

Men tend to get nervous when their wives are desperately sad and don't seem to be snapping out of it. They begin to wonder, Is she going to be like this forever? Is she ever going to get over this? So what's a man to do?

• Give her time and space to release the pain. It might get worse before it gets better. So it's important to be patient.

Many times Nancy, who's 10 inches shorter than I (David) am, would bury her face in my chest and sob. At a total loss for what to do or say, I simply held her tight. As it turns out, that's exactly what she needed.

Your wife's tears are your friend. There's so much sadness inside her that has to come out. Tears are the healthy way for that pain to be released. So don't rush her through them or see them as a sign that she's broken forever.

• Recognize that you both have been changed. The loss you've experienced has changed you as individuals and therefore as a family. It has altered your perspective and priorities, and you fit together differently now. Rather than resenting or ignoring the change, make a place for it in your life. Accept that there's a broken place inside each of you that will always hurt a little. But the hurt won't always be at the forefront of your minds, in control of your emotions, or cast a shadow over every event.

• Ask her how she wants you to respond to her tears. I (Nancy) figured out quickly that David just couldn't win. I had so many tears that needed to come out, and no matter what he did, it seemed to be the wrong thing. If he moved to comfort me, I felt I needed to halt my sobbing. I knew it hurt him to hear and feel the tangible evidence of my inner pain, and so I did my best to rein it in. And if he left me alone, it hurt that he could just disregard my obvious emotional pain.

Eventually, I realized I needed to release him from the unrealistic expectation that he should automatically know what I want or need. I needed to tell him if there was something he could do.

next page... |  1 of 2

				Try an Issue of Today's Christian Woman Free! Name Street Address City/State/Zip E-mail Address No credit card required. Please allow 4-6 weeks for delivery. Offer valid in U.S. only. Click here for International orders. If you decide you want to keep Today's Christian Woman coming, honor your invoice for just $17.95 and receive five more issues, a full year in all. If not, simply write "cancel" across the invoice and return it. The trial issue is yours to keep, regardless. Give Today's Christian Woman as a gift Buy 1 gift subscription, get 1 FREE!

RSS Feed   RSS Help