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When I was a kid, moms made their sons wear stiff blue jeans that were way too long. All the boys showed up on the first day of school walking like zombies, with pants legs turned up half-way to our knees. These were cuffs that meant business. We could easily have smuggled in candy bars, comic books, and probably a small cantaloupe. 

The interesting thing was that by Christmas break, everybody's jeans were fitting them with only a minimal cuff being necessary.

It turns out that getting married is a lot like starting school with clothes that don't fit. You realize you're getting involved in something that's way too big for you, but over the years God grows you into your marriage.  

Twenty years ago I joined the staff of Marriage Partnership. By the time I left, I'd been married 20 years, and in many ways my marriage grew up with the magazine. So today, in honor of Marriage Partnership's 20th, I'd like to share a few things I learned after being married two decades.

Optimism morphs into confidence. Although no one gets married expecting to fail, after a few years your optimism takes a beating. As they say, life happens. But around the 20-year mark you start to feel as though you're getting it. You've gained confidence based on years of meeting challenges and overcoming obstacles together. Your optimism is now much more than hoping for a good outcome. It's confidence that's grounded in two decades of shared history.

You create your own measure of time. After 20 years, you stop recalling significant events according to the month and year they actually happened. Instead, you date certain events based on their proximity to other events. (You might be doing this already, but after 20 years it becomes your default setting.) 

You: "Honey, what year was it when Eddie ate the dog's chew toy?" 

Your spouse: "Let's see… . Was it around the time your brother gave us that ghastly painting?"

You: "No, it was before that. It was closer to the time we had to borrow your dad's truck because we'd totaled the Gremlin."

Your spouse: "That's right, so Eddie ate the chew toy in July 1996."

You: "I thought it was '96!"

Late-night adventures end much earlier. When my wife and I lived in Illinois, seeing a double feature at the drive-in was a favorite summer activity. We could watch two movies for less money than the multiplex charged for one.

Then we moved to Colorado and found out the nearest drive-in is 50 miles away. Having by that time already passed the 20-year mark in our marriage, we had to give this a good deal of thought. It was sobering to realize that the second feature wouldn't let out until past midnight, and then we'd have to drive 50 miles to get home. That's when we acknowledged our limitations and joined the couples who were hanging out at Blockbuster on Friday night.

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