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My wife recently had a baby and I was in the delivery room to help. But since then I haven't wanted to have sex with her. I love her; I'm just no longer turned on by her. What's up with that?

Michael: The miracle of birth is a wondrous event, and I'm glad you shared this moment with your wife. Watching the birthing process can be pretty traumatic for us husbands, though. Birth isn't a clean, pleasant event to observe up close. A beautiful part of your wife's body now has an association beyond the erotic one you had before watching her give birth.

The good news is that this doesn't have to be permanent. If she's like almost all new moms, she isn't feeling sexy or erotic either. Use this time to get to know her again. Her body has gone through a major change and is different inside (hormones) and out.

Double or triple the caring, caressing touches. Agree not to have sex for a couple nights, but instead spend the time touching, caressing, and relearning her body. Tell her what you love about her body as you caress her. Given a bit of time and energy, you can see the beauty, passion, and sensuality in this new mom who is your wife and lover.

Debra: While having a baby is an incredible experience, usually we aren't prepared for the many aspects of pregnancy, delivery, and the 6 to 12 months that follow. What you're experiencing is common. In a recent article in the Journal of Family Practice, Dr. Janice Byrd states: "Pregnancy, childbirth, and the postpartum period represent a major life transition that usually has a substantial impact on the sexual adjustment of both mothers and fathers."

Be disciplined in your thought life—focus your sexual fantasies on your wife, on good sexual experiences you've had together, and not on pornography or other women. Center your thoughts on your love for your wife and your child, keep speaking loving words to her, and be non-sexually affectionate with her—hugs, holding hands, kissing, and caressing are great forms.

And pray for both of you to make the adjustments that will promote healthy sexuality together as this year progresses. Then, be patient—you should see a gradual return of your sexual feelings for your wife.

My husband doesn't understand the concept of foreplay. He thinks that because he's ready to go at the drop of a hat, I should be, too. I've tried to explain that women need more time to "warm up," but he doesn't believe me and just doesn't listen. How do I get him to understand I need more time?

Michael: Not listening to you give feedback on how your body works makes about as much sense as not listening to Tiger Woods when he's trying to help you improve your golf game.

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