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This is my husband's attempt at amoré;. He thinks he's quite the Romeo when he quotes this line from a song by country singer George Jones. I think he expects me to be swept off my feet at the comparison of a large primate and his feelings for me. When he's feeling exceptionally fond of me and appreciative of my presence in his life, he'll exclaim, "Baby, I wouldn't trade you for a sow and seven pigs."

As you can imagine, my heart melts.

Often I see magazine covers boasting articles such as "25 Ways to Rev Up the Romance in Your Marriage." This is a great concept—except that the lack of romance normally lies with the husband. Men don't typically read the women's magazines in which these types of articles are found. Now, if you could get the same article in the Bass Pro Shop fall catalog, there might be a chance, although slim, that he'd read it.

Nevertheless, I still find myself reading the articles for tips to jumpstart my romance. While in the grocery store check-out line several weeks ago, I picked up a magazine that had the secrets to romance, or so they claimed.

First, the article suggested that you and your spouse start dating again on a regular basis. While a good theory, the experiments attempted by the Boniol and Boniol scientific team (that's me and my husband, in case you didn't follow) have found that this approach isn't always successful.

If you're fortunate to find a babysitter not already busy on a Saturday night, then you must agree on the date itself: dinner and a movie, perhaps. But Hubby wants to go to a place where you can throw peanut hulls on the floor. I'd like to dine in a place with subtle lighting and cloth napkins folded creatively in the water glass.

Whereas I'd like to see something in the category of The Lake House, he rates movies according to how many things get blown up, or how many people jump out of speeding trains, planes, or automobiles. Almost everyone dies in the end and there's very little dialogue. That's because with all the noise from the guns and bombs, you couldn't understand it if it were included. So for us, date nights don't solve our romantic dilemma.

The next suggestion in the article was to participate in a hobby together. This one is completely out of the question. His hobbies always include animals. Some alive, some dead, most skinned and gutted before it's all over. I prefer attending the theater or visiting a book store or coffee shop.

I put down the article, a bit depressed. Would my husband and I never reach the romantic heights?

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