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In the fall of 2003, Linford Detweiler and Karin Bergquist, the husband-wife duo better known as the alt-folk act Over the Rhine, were living a dream. Or so it seemed.

Their most recent album, Ohio, was doing well, critically and commercially. Their concert tour was selling out venues everywhere. Their career was soaring.

But away from the spotlight, things were different. Though their onstage melodies hit all the right notes, offstage, their marriage was way out of tune.

So Linford and Karin made a bold decision: They canceled the rest of the tour, forfeiting much of that year's income and risking the wrath of their record company and, worse, their fans. They knew they had to go home and do one of two things: Save their marriage, or kiss it goodbye.

Linford and Karin's marriage didn't look like it was in danger. They weren't fighting; they were talking. After seven years of marriage, they still appeared a happy couple.

But it was all an illusion.

"The thing with Karin and me," says Linford, "is that we've always functioned well together when it comes to musical collaboration or a project. So there was this illusion of, 'This really works.' But in terms of nurturing each other emotionally and really being connected apart from our work, we weren't there."

"You can be together 24/7 and waste it," Karin adds.

"I thought I could make a big investment in our relationship every so often, put it on hold for a while, and then make another big investment," Linford explains. "But emotionally, relationships are 'coin-operated.' They require lots of daily deposits."

Thing is, Linford and Karin were investing, just not in each other. They were putting so much energy into their music and the people around them—including their band, their friends, and their fans—that there was little left for themselves.

Karin says the energy required to nurture relationships is like having one glass of water per day. "You've got to be really careful where you put that glass of water," she says. "We just dumped the whole thing on people we were traveling with, nurturing those relationships, making sure everybody was happy and comfortable. And at the end of the day, we had nothing left for each other."

They appeared to get along, but they weren't really connecting. The spark was gone.

They both knew things weren't right, but Linford thought he'd make that "big investment" later, after the tour ended. "I knew we weren't where we hoped we'd be in our relationship," he admits, "but I chose to let it simmer along."

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