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Every day, millions of couples wake up and evaluate their marriages by asking themselves (consciously or unconsciously), "Am I happier today than I was yesterday?" But I think there's a better and healthier question to ask. Actually, it's more of a prayer: "God, how can I love my spouse today like she (or he) has never been loved?"

You know what I've found? This is a prayer God loves to answer, in very practical ways. He delights in finding someone willing to be his agent to fulfill this quest. This prayer has the added benefit of creating an environment for the soul satisfaction that comes from sacrificial service.

One morning I prayed this prayer and shortly afterward felt as though I needed to take my daughter to her physical therapy session that afternoon. Normally, my wife, Lisa, takes on this four-hour task, and my day was packed with work responsibilities. I wanted to argue the point, but the more I thought and prayed about it, the more I became convinced God wanted me to do this—even though it would blow a hole through my work schedule.

When I mentioned my plans to Lisa, her response was a tepid, "Okay, whatever."

I was expecting something a little heartier, such as, "You know, I could search the world over and not find such a generous, loving man as you, one willing to give up his work time so that I can have an afternoon off." But I'd already made the offer, so I was stuck.

As the morning wore on, Lisa began to feel ill; she actually took a nap after lunch, something she almost never does. Then her sister called and mentioned that she was coming to visit from out of town. We'd recently moved into our house and none of Lisa's siblings had seen it—so Lisa went on a tear to get the house ready for the next day.

When I prayed that morning about loving Lisa, and God answered with a practical suggestion, neither Lisa nor I knew she was going to become ill—but God knew. Neither Lisa nor I knew her sister would call about an unexpected, last-minute visit. But God did. And he wanted to love my wife through me by removing a major time commitment from her day.

God had gently led me into what I believe is the mark of Christian marriage: sacrificial service.

What does it really mean to be a husband or a wife? In biblical terms, I believe both "husband" and "wife" are synonyms for "servant."

The apostle Paul talks about the importance of servanthood when he writes: "Be imitators of God … as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God" (Ephesians 5:1). Later, in that same chapter, Paul brings that sacrificial service theme into a marriage context. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her …" (5:25). Paul states clearly that our love as husbands must cost us something if it's to rise to the standard of biblical love and marriage. That's why I thought it sounded just like God when he asked me to give up an entire afternoon to serve my wife.

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