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Q. Is sex during pregnancy okay? I don't want to hurt our baby. What's appropriate, and what do the Scriptures say?

A. As far as we know, the Scriptures don't mention sex during pregnancy. The simple answer medically is that if your pregnancy is normal, with no complications, it's okay to have intercourse until the last four to six weeks.

You'll discover, however, that making love as your womb expands requires creativity. Some couples find the husband on top position for intercourse just doesn't work. The wife above, lateral, or rear entry approaches may be more comfortable. When nothing seems to fit you can still enjoy mutual stimulation orally or manually to orgasm.

Your baby is well protected in your uterus, and it's unlikely to be affected by your husband's thrusting erection. There are other considerations, however, that can affect your mutual enjoyment of intercourse.

You might experience some physical symptoms related to your pregnancy that make intercourse unpleasant. Some common complaints are ankle swelling, breast tenderness, backache, nausea, constipation, indigestion, or hemorrhoids. If these are bothersome, talk to your physician and get appropriate safe treatment. While some are just part of the territory, others can be effectively treated. Don't allow them to unnecessarily interrupt your sexual enjoyment.

One other concern some expectant mothers express is about their sexual appeal as their tummy expands. Oddly enough that doesn't repulse most husbands. In fact we often hear them say they're really turned on during the pregnancy.

If you have any questions as your delivery date approaches ask your physician. This is a common concern, so don't be embarrassed to ask!

Q. Is there such a thing as a "sexual prime"? I've heard that for men it's in their teens, and for women it's in their thirties. But my wife is in her thirties and she's just not interested in sex.

A. Alas! The dreaded sexual "norms." There just ain't such an animal. Every statistical report on any kind of survey can give only the range, average, or median (midpoint) of a huge curve. So the only statistic that really applies to you and your wife is your reality. What others "average" doesn't mean a thing.

The important consideration for you and your wife isn't what any other 30-year-old woman feels, but how your wife feels and why. Usually (that's another dangerous word) a woman's interest in sex reflects how she sees herself as a sexual being and whether she feels cherished by you. We'd suggest that you talk together, not about whether you're "normal" as a couple, but how each of you has experienced your love affair. Discover together what your attitudes about sex have been and what might be hindering you from achieving greater intimacy.

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