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Keep a Lid on It!
Listen up, guys, to this little known secret: Marital harmony begins in the bathroom.
Bryan Davis | posted 9/30/2008 03:59PM
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It's often said a man is the ruler of his domain, lord of his castle. And for the single man, that's true. The toilet seat can always stay up, laundry day is based on the underarm sniff test, and eating ravioli directly from the can is simply the most practical way to keep the kitchen clean.
When a man marries, everything changes. His dominion is now shared sovereignty. His ability to respectfully give up portions of his realm is a crucial part of his proverbial knight-in-shining-armor character, a quality called selflessness.
Some of his old domains will now be shared with his wife. And some domains are so sacred to the female world that it's best for a husband to see himself as a visitor rather than as a sovereign.
The bathroom is such a place.
While it's true that men also use the bathroom, that's the extent of it. It's a place to quickly wash, shave, relieve the pressures of six cups of morning coffee, and then get out. There are times that pausing to read a magazine might be in order, but only out of necessity. It's not our domain; we don't want to spend a lot of time there.
A woman, on the other hand, sees the bathroom as a natural place to dwell. It's an inspection station, a refuge for contemplation, a hiding place to weep. Bathrooms in the homes of others are a curiosity to her, a place to learn about the habits of friends and acquaintances. Public restrooms can even be a social hall, a meeting place to reconnoiter and make plans for the evening.
The bathroom is her weigh station, her place to check out what ravages time has wrought, to do what she can to fight age and gravity. When she primps and fusses, she's probably doing it for her man. Yes, she looks just fine without all that fussing, but a loving wife has eyes only for her husband. When she shaves her legs, she thinks about how smooth they'll be against his. When she pulls on a dress and scrutinizes it in the mirror, she pictures how the color will reflect in his eyes. When she scowls at the extra three pounds the scale is obviously lying about, she wonders if he'll notice when he takes her in his arms.
Thus, the sooner we, as men, understand the mystery of Lavatory Land, and the identity of the reigning mistress of that province, the sooner we'll learn how to keep our armor bright and our castle a happy place.
Where to start? Simple: Keep the toilet closed and clean.
The old stereotype is true. Women really do hate it when the toilet seat is left up. And when you think about it, it's not difficult to understand why.
How would you like it if you had to sit down every time you went to the bathroom? Cold porcelain is not a great way to awaken your bottom on a chilly autumn morning. What could be worse? Try sitting on cold porcelain that's been topped with puddles of your stale urine. How's that for stoking the fires of romance?
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