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Key Bible Verse: "I no longer call you servants, because a master doesn't confide in his servants. Now you are my friends" (John 15:15). Bonus Reading: Philippians 2:22

As your kids move into their teen years, you'll need to learn to stop giving them advice when they haven't asked for it. Shift to using mentoring and coaching skills; ask questions to help them process their decisions. For me, it meant shifting from seeing my son as "my boy," whom I could command and control, to a new phase in our relationship in which I'd treat him more as one of my friends.

To help my son navigate into adulthood, I now ask what he thinks he needs to do instead of giving suggestions. I learned I had to do it in such a way that he really knew I trusted his judgment. Then the Lord showed me that I could melt my son's heart by becoming vulnerable before him.

I remember a specific moment like that with Edward. "Son," I said, "I'm having a problem here. I need your advice."

"Really?" he responded. "You're the pastor, dad!" Then he shared with me what he'd do. I remember observing his chest sticking out a little farther and watching his confidence grow. He knew what his father thought about him.

I didn't just ask him because I wanted to patronize him—I really needed some advice. And the Lord used him to speak to me.

—Ed McGlasson in The Difference a Father Makes

My Response: What could I benefit from the perspective of a teen?

Adapted from The Difference a Father Makes (Ampelon Publishers, 2004) by permission.

Copyright © 2008 by the author or Christianity Today International/Men of Integrity magazine.
Click here for reprint information on Men of Integrity.

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Prayer for the Week

I need Your wisdom, Lord, to adjust my parenting style from director of children to encourager and shaper of emerging adulthood for youths.

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